As I write the thoughts that have been bouncing around in my mind lately, I am debating whether or not to post this on my blog. I'm not sure whether this will be some sort of pessimistic incoherent rant or if it'll end up as some sort of self-pep-talk, but I'll write it out anyway and see how it goes.
I would like to preface this by saying that I may end up sounding like a pretentious cynical hipster with a cup of fair-trade coffee in my hands saying "I'm not like the other girls; I'm weird." I genuinely don't mean to seem this way. Or maybe I am being pretentious and reading too deeply into things. Well, then, I guess that's the way it goes. I won't fight it.
Anyway.
Pop culture influences a lot of things. The food trends, fashion styles, attitudes, and turns of phrase we see and hear in the media have a huge impact on the way we behave and perceive the world around us. I don't really know if that can be controlled; it's just the way things are, by human nature. But I don't like the way it makes some of us act.
See, there's always been a push to be weird, to be different, to be uniquely you. And everyone I know probably believes in this idea, and they probably believe that they're pretty weird. Which is true. But you know what else is true? People crave attention and recognition. Everybody to some degree wants to be acknowledged. Sometimes the way to do that is by being what they think is "normal." In other words, they follow the trends of society. And the weirdness gets squashed a little bit. Some people are content with being "normal" and doing what everyone else is doing; some people feel repressed by it. I can't speak for everybody, but it is tempting to want to be like the majority of society. It's easier to shop for clothes that way. You fit in easier, you don't have to feel so tired and afraid of rejection. I want to be accepted, and I want to be seen as "normal." Yet filtering the things I say and the way I act is really tiring and to be quite honest, it's boring.
I like telling people the random stuff that pops into my head, and I think it's fun to ask thought-provoking questions that make you think a little, whether it's more philosophical or it's a strange "would you rather" question. I like knowing that I'm not just doing something because that's what's expected of me.
To me, it looks as if weirdness is becoming increasingly accepted and praised in our culture, which I'm glad to see. But is that a trend too? If everyone skews toward being unique in a certain way, won't that just render them normal all over again when more and more people follow their footsteps? Does it not work this way? Am I reading too deeply into everything? Maybe you're thinking, "oh my gosh June. Just live your life, who cares!!"
Perhaps it's no use wondering these things. Perhaps it will help me think about the way I act and how I can strive to be a more nuanced and conscious individual.
No matter how much or how little you conform to mainstream society's standards, there will usually be little quirks that make you unique. Things that make you weird. And I think weird is a relative term as well, depending on the person and their eclectic tendencies. Sometimes when I ramble on about something that I think is a pretty normal thing to think about, a friend will look at me funny and say that's a strange thing to be wondering. Sometimes people will tell me stories that they think are important or funny and halfway through I think "this is the most boring thing I've ever heard." So weird and normal are subjective.
Maybe all these thoughts I'm spewing are really useless, if weird is relative and everybody is weird in their own way. In that case, I really believe in the value of being an unfiltered version of you. That doesn't mean you should follow through on distasteful and potentially illegal actions that cross your mind, but you should never be afraid of yourself. Speak your mind when the time is right. Don't be afraid that your humor/thoughts/opinions won't make sense to somebody else, because if it all makes sense to you, then it is valid. Whether they think so or not, that's their problem. It's your truth, not theirs.
"You do you" is something I hear a lot now. We say it, but we still feel self-conscious of doing what feels right for us. A lot of the time I'll think of an outfit to wear and wonder if it's "normal" enough that it'll stand out, making me look good and without making me look like a crazy person. That's problematic in itself, because what does a "crazy person" even look like? What has society taught us to think when we think the word "crazy?" I shouldn't care if my fashion sense doesn't match the rest of the general public. But I do, a little bit. You probably do, too.
Screens are everywhere we look and they're the main source of information that we have nowadays. From tv ads to social media on the internet, there are ideas and opinions and mindsets getting shoved down our throats. Some of it is meaningless, meant to be some mindless distraction to numb our brains (don't get me wrong, I like sitting back and watching a frivolous, lighthearted series or movie occasionally too). Some of it is thought-provoking, but whether these are good or bad thoughts...I don't know. Before I start sounding like some anti-media conspiracy theorist: the Internet is incredible. But it can be so incredibly toxic. Everyone can upload whatever they want, which is inherently both beautiful and ugly. Many of us realize this as we mature and learn to think for ourselves (at least, most of us end up thinking for ourselves), so what I'm saying seems needless to mention. But for young people and those easily influenced, I am very afraid. I've seen TV commercials that depict a non-cool, geeky kid longing to be just like the other kids, but are unable to be because they're not wearing the right thing or they don't have a certain kind of toy or lunchbox snack. Advertisements have always been this way; they force us to look at ourselves and question whether we are enough. It's their literal purpose, and we can't blame businesses for wanting to sell their products. However, according to all these marketing ploys: we are not enough. We always need something else, something more. The media can make us forget the difference between a need or a want; whether it is to appease us, or if it is to bring us joy. Don't get me wrong, I'm seeing lots of people getting more into the mindset of having experiences rather than possessions to make you happy (the act of pursuing and acquiring "experiences" can also become commodified but that's a problem for another blog post), which is great; I still think that the majority of society is far from healthy in its overall mindset regarding these matters, though.
Another example of toxic media: Makeup culture. Makeup is a huge deal and I'm seeing young teenage girls (sometimes they aren't even teens yet) spend tons of money on makeup and doing up their faces so they look beautiful. Correction: so that they look like what mainstream society tells them is "beautiful." Don't get me wrong, if makeup makes you happy then by all means: you do you, right? But I worry for these young individuals' state of mind. Are they putting so much effort into all this because looking nice gives them joy, or because they feel like it's just something they should do to be respected and idolized? Is it a mixture of both? Am I being cynical again? Do I care too much about whether or not these young people care more about improving their outside appearance rather than working toward reaching their inner potential as individuals?
But this is something I struggle with, too. Not about makeup, but about body hair. I've realized that if people are actually decent human beings, they won't give a hoot whether my legs are hairy (shoutout to anyone who's ever actually seen my legs at their hairiest and still think I'm rad. you know who you are). But that doesn't stop me from hesitating and staring at myself for a few seconds before leaving the house with shorts or a dress on if I haven't recently shaved/waxed. Sometimes I say "screw it" and go; sometimes I sigh and put on some long pants. I hate feeling like that and I hate when I give in and shave not because I enjoy the feeling of hairless legs but because I felt pressured by the silent, toxic gaze of society. So I don't blame people for continuing to shave or heavily using makeup or dressing a certain way. However, I ask you this as a reader: what can we do about a problem like this? How do you work to reverse a concept that has been so deeply ingrained within everyone's minds?
I am of the opinion that it's the bread that makes the toast. It doesn't matter what sort of high-quality butter or jam or honey that you slather on your toast. It could look great. Looks provide a first impression, but as for their accuracy we can never be sure. What it comes down to is what you taste when you bite into the toast. Sure, you taste the sweet jam at first, but the more bites you take you'll soon realize that if the bread is garbage, the whole thing simply won't be good. I wish young children were taught that before they grow up and realize they hate themselves for seemingly no reason. They should be taught to value themselves and each other for who they are, not just by what they do and look like. I wish we as a society taught and nurtured self-love from an early age, to teach that it's okay to be yourself and like a variety of things and look a certain way and to simply be a multifaceted individual. Not to follow the rest of the flock just because that's what everybody else is doing.
Basically what I think I'm trying to say is that we should teach kids to be multigrain bread, not plain white bread! White bread is bad for you anyways. Clogs the arteries or something.
In the end, we're all alone and walking our own paths. This sounds depressing and cynical, but even if you've got a best friend or significant other with whom you do everything, you two aren't the same exact person. You've got unique experiences and personality traits and needs and wants that naturally set you on a different route. Don't believe the sappy romances. Everybody will leave you eventually, whether it is temporary or permanent, willingly or not. At the end of the day, you've only got yourself to console and to be consoled. You must be able to be alone with yourself. Might you feel lonely after a while? Absolutely, and that's okay. It's so important then to love who you are, and if you aren't there yet (it's okay, lots of people don't fully love themselves--myself included, no matter how many times I say I love myself) then just accept the way you are. Accept the way you feel, and understand why you feel that way, so you can work toward changing for the better, always. Because one day you'll find yourself alone even if just for a moment. When that happens you've got to be the one to pick yourself up, brush off the dust, and forge onward. It may be in your own way and in your own time, but regardless, it can only be a forward direction in which you move.
This isn't to say that being alone for your entire life is the way to go. Sometimes in life you will find people who accept and appreciate your weirdness, even if they don't really understand it. These are good people. And then occasionally, you may be so lucky as to find an individual who not only completely gets your weirdness, but adds their own flavor into the mix by playing along and encouraging you to achieve your full potential of anti-mediocrity. They don't dismiss your weirdness; they laugh and say something equally weird back to you. If you come across someone like this, I implore you to never take them for granted because they are probably the best kind of person you'll ever find. These sorts of people are the closest you will ever get to finding a "soulmate" if such things exist.
I guess this did morph into some sort of preachy-rant/self-motivational-pep-talk...thing. I think I will post it to my blog, though. Maybe my unorganized ramblings make sense to somebody out there and it could help them think about these issues. And maybe I shouldn't be afraid of putting my thoughts out there; after all, I should practice what I preach, yeah? So if you read all the way through this, thank you. I truly appreciate your time and energy. And even if you didn't read it you won't see this but you're still valid and I still appreciate you.
Bottom line: accept yourself for who you are. Maybe even love yourself while you're at it. Think before you do or say something: is it really what you believe? Is this really what will help you be your best you? And if you're like me: does it aid in your lifelong mission to be anti-mediocre?
Be your truest, best self. You deserve to like what you like, say what you want to say, believe what you want to believe. Live how you want to live, and if you can't do that yet, work at it until you can. Don't lie to yourself because if you do, then who will be the one to speak your truth?
Until next time!
~ JP
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